I really liked our training at the Crisis pregnancy center. As part of our homework, we are supposed to write down our testimony about how we became a Christian. Here is my rough draft. i could go on and on, but I am trying to keep it simple.
Here goes:
I grew up going to church. I went to Catholic church on Saturday nights, Methodist church on Sundays, youth group on Sunday nights and CCD on Wednesday nights. I was baptized, had my 1st communion, went to confession and was confirmed. I even went to church after all of my "duties" were fulfilled, I continued to go in college and even when I was living on my own. Yet in all of that time, I really didn't learn much about God other than some nice music and a few stories from the bible. I never even thought about Jesus. I would pray to God, but didn't feel like He cared or would hear me. I carried around so much guilt, how could He love ME- I knew what I deserved. I was always afraid of death because I was worried about where I would spend eternity.
I had every priviledge growing up. I came from an relatively wealthy family, I have great parents who love me and gave me everything I could want or need, I was close with my sisters and cousins, I had a lot of friends, I did well in school and was involved in tons of activities-- I was even in "Youth for Christ" but it was only another excuse to get out of class and my picture in the yearbook. I had everything that should have made me happy, but I still had to turn to alchohol, drugs, and sex to make me happy and that was only temporary. My behavior only led to more guilt and shame which weighed me down. I kept on this path for years. The only thing keeping me from getting too out of control was fear of dying because I didn't want my parents to have to lose another child. On the outside I seemed like a nice, happy, "good" person, but I knew who I really was and it was anything but good or pretty.
In 1999, I was living out in Los Angeles trying to be an actress. I was living with my boyfriend, doing the club scene- drinking, smoking and experimenting with different drugs. That spring, I came home to New Jersey to visit my family. During my visit, my sister was baptized. I was in awe of the transformation in her, she truly was a new person. I no longer saw this bitter, mean person, but she was full of peace and joy. For the first time, I heard a pastor speak about Jesus and what he did for us on the cross. The Holy Spirit was working on my heart. I went back to California very curious about this peace I saw in my sister. Later that summer, I went back home for our family vacation. Late one night, my sister needed batteries for her insulin meter, so I volunteered to make the trip to Wal-Mart with her. On the way, she was telling me that Jesus could come back any time and was I ready. She was going on and on about Jesus the whole time about how he died for our sins and was the only way to heaven. I was annoyed and felt trapped. I was the one after all that went to church my whole life and all of a sudden she is lecturing ME!! Deep down, I knew she was right, but I didn't want to have to admit it. When we got back that night, I started reading "Power For Living". I remember reading about how I am special to God and what I needed to do to get right with Him. For the first time in all of these years, I understood what the cross meant and I knew Jesus was the only One who could save me. It was so powerful for me to hear that God loves me and wants a relationship with me. That night, with my nieces sound asleep in the twin bed next to me, I prayed and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.
When I went back to LA, I gradually stopped being interested in the things I used to love. I had this great hunger to learn more about Jesus. Within a few months, I had moved out of my boyfriend's house and broke up with him, stopped doing drugs, partying, quit smoking, joined a church and started going to a bible study. After a while, even acting didn't seem so glamorous any more and the people I used to look up to seemed shallow and empty. After years of carrying around so much guilt, I finally had this peace and felt so loved it is overwhelming and wonderful. My life has not always been easy since I have become a Christian, but God has never left my side. I am constantly amazed by His great love and mercy for me.
