Grumpy

I want to get my protcol for my IVF!! Right now, I have no clue when it will be, sometime in April is all I know. i had my 2nd acupuncture session tonight. I like it, except for tonight she had this jumper cable attached to the needles in my tummy and leg and it pulsed every second and it was like my reflex was kicking, so it wasn't like I could just sleep. It still was relaxing though. I have been such a basketcase lately, I've becoime such a bitch. Everyone and everything in the world annoys me. Poor Rob! He really tries to help me.

In church, they had these rocks and we could go up and pick one to symbolize a relationship we were going to restore or use it as a reminder of a buriel of a sin we are storing. I decided, it was going to symbolize my "mallet" of anger that I carry around with me. I had to pray all throughout the day today, just to catch my breath. It's like I'm fuming all the time. It makes me feel bad, I was never like this. I have been so careless with my Diabetes, too. I am so anxious and stressed, but I am aware of it and working on it. Of course, I lost my rock, I better find it.

This is what I feel like all the time.....

Balls in my ears

I had my 1st acupuncture on Monday. Very interesting, but not as bad as I expected. I want this to work so bad!! I started BCP on Sunday, I only got one pack b/c my insurance doesn't cover them. Go figure, they cover 100% of the IVF, except for the freezing process, but they won't pay for birth control. Not that I'm complaining about $30, when I am saving thousands, but I guess I am complaining.

I just ate Ravoili's, garlic bread and a canolli, that is going cost me. I am amazed that my BS aren't as bad as they should be. I have been so slack with that lately. I was going to be good for lent, but it's already been a week and I haven't been good. I should be testing like crazy and be eating barely any carbs, but instead I'm going to town on all kinds of sweets and cheetos and just shooting up with insulin. It has been hard being away from home for a week watching Nana, too. I am so glad to have my life back now and I'm home sweet home. I'm annoyed with my parents. They just go away all the time and leave poor Nana with us or Deb, that has to be bad for her Altzheimers. I'm so over them right now. I wish they would move to FL and I could have some peace and quiet. I do so much for them and they never thank me or Rob. I am resentful that when we finally have kids, they will be long gone. I am mad at them for not caring more about Nana and just acting like she is not there. I guess it's easy for me to sit here and judge. I can say that I am sick of my mom talking about the house and all the stuff which I have no clue what she is talking about. Deb and James have stepped up to the plate to help which is awesome and poor Deb is due with Anna any second now.

I'm scared that my insurance won't fill out the from that Dr. Z is asking for and that they will cancel my IVF in April. Why can't it ever just be easy? They know that my insurance covers it, we just did all of this in JAN. When I called BCBS of NJ, the lady was asking me what was covered, so I don't have too much confidence in them. I forwarded the form to HR, so hopefully they will come through for me!! I got my laptop finally!! I like having it, but I can't get it to work for me at home. Sigh. Woe is me!!

Well, I guess I've complained enough for one night. Sheez, I'm miserable. I need to loosen up a little. I'm going to go and see what Rob is doing. He has been a SAINT!! I'm blessed to have him as a husband. It was so cute in church on Sunday, thye sermon was about husbands and how they are to treat their wives and he was taking notes!! Is that cute or what? Thank you God for Rob, i love him so much. Oh, really quick, at work the other day, I was telling rose about Nana and stuff and this guy Carlos from the shop was there and he said out of the blue, "Do you ever think you'll adopt kids" and I'm like maybe, but Rob and I want kids of our own, why do you ask and he said "You'll be a great mother. I can just tell." It made me feel good. I know he didn't mean it in a bad way, just meant it as a compliment and I thought to myself, Yeah i would and Rob will be a great daddy. That makes it even harder o have to wait, but I am learining so much in the meantime. God is good!

Oh, about the balls in my ears, they are from the acupuncture lady. She put them in and told me to squeeze them for 2 minutes each before meals. Hmmmmmm. Whatever it takes, right?