Trust and Obey

Again at Bible Study this week the lesson was on Abraham waiting for God to fulfill His promise of a son. It amazes me how every where I go- church, bible study, etc I feel like the message is just for me. It blows my mind that even my trials with infertilty are addressed in the bible. I just don't know what to do anymore. What is the right thing? Are we not meant to have children? What is the lesson I am supposed to be learning during this waiting period that is so painful and full of dissappointment?

This morning I had the IUI. I felt so guilty waking Rob up for a sample and then he felt pressured. This whole process is so demeaning sometimes. As I'm driving down to Dr. Z's in the dark at 6:30 am in the pouring rain with the sample cup in my bra so it stays warm, I think of the song "Brick" by Ben Folds Five. I don't know what to expect anymore, I feel so numb in the office- full of questions, but afraid to ask for the answers, which they probably don't have for me anyway. I can't even imagine getting pregnant at this point. Please God, if this is your will, let this insemination result in pregnancy. Help me to put my trust in You.