3 days away

We went to the Pocono's on Friday, which was a nice distraction from my 2ww. My parents just built a house out there and there is no furniture or anything yet, but we still had a great time. We brought Figi so I was happy. On Saturday, we went shopping for some clothes for me and then went to my sister's and had a nice dinner. Today, we just went to church and walked around Red Bank and had lunch, did a little mroe shoe shopping for me and juts got home. I feel like I should clean, but I still feel like I deserve a break after all I have been through. Rob has been great through all of this, I have to say, taking really good care of me and doing all of the work around the house. He is so good. I feel bad b/c I know he is going through a reallly hard time right now not knowing what to do with his carreer. I know he wants nothing more than to just take care of me and give me a family, but he feels like he doesn't know what to do. Acting has been his whole life. I feel bad, too b/c i don't know what to tell him to do. I want him to be happy. I want us to have a family so bad.

We find out in 3 days whether or not the IVF worked. Every once in a while, I have a feeling "maybe" and then it goes away. I just don't feel in my heart that it is going to happen. It's like, I can't ever see it happening and it makes me so sad. I see all of the love we have to give and I know we would be great parents. I think of Rob and how he never knew his father and doesn't have a close relationship with his step dad. I know his whole life, he has thought I can't wait to be a dad so he can give a child the kind of love that he always longed for. We go to church, we give back to the community, we have great morals, we are good loving people. I guess most people that want children are that way. I want to have Rob's children. i look into his eyes and long to make life with him and share our love with kids of our own. I guess I am going to stop thinking about this now and take a nap. I'm really tired today.